We arrive in the world in a fragile state. Unable to sustain ourselves or even coordinate our bodies, we are wholly dependent on the circumstances that surround us before we even arrive. Our mother carrying us inside her, the mood of the delivery room, the expectations projected onto us and the monolithic social, economic and political systems. Just a few of the immediate, unavoidable and raw impacts the world has in shaping us.
During the early years of our lives we live in a state that is inconceivable to us now, even more at the mercy of it all. From our initial and ongoing need for survival, the internal, psychical world of our dreams, wants, fantasies and longings forms. They may take shape or find some form that is realizable enough in the world. We’re satisfied and fulfilled, feeling at home in the world. What about those dreams, wants, fantasies and longings that go unfulfilled or are crushed by the world’s expectations, demands and power structures? They are denied but may not die.
Existing within our psyche and unwelcome outside, they may churn inside us with nowhere to go. Agitating us in tension as we try to forget, ignore, shame and mask them to become someone with the dreams, wants, fantasies and longings that may get by easier in the world to alleviate the tension. Often to find only that we feel farther away from ourselves in a new kind of tension and self-deception. Much of this is far outside our everyday states of mind. Until we have the space and opportunity that welcomes the recognition of what we knew so intimately at a time and have felt forced to give up by the overwhelming tension in the face of factors often far outside our limited control. We feel and come to know again what we’d given up but still want (see back again (near but far)). What opportunities might then become clearer for us for not just avoiding or alleviating tension but going somewhere with it? Understanding the inner/outer conflicts giving rise to it and instead of distancing ourselves from them, feeling the capacity to live from them?